


if i let you go, will you shatter?

by antijosh



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: ???? what is this?????, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 12:04:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5163179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antijosh/pseuds/antijosh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seungcheol finally kisses Jisoo, and neither of them are sure where they stand after that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if i let you go, will you shatter?

Jisoo and Seungcheol play a game. It's a game of small touches, quiet conversations behind closed doors, and staring at each other across crowded rooms. Neither of them are quite sure about when their little game started, but that doesn't really matter. The point of all of it is to see how far they can go before someone notices--and before someone gets hurt.

It's normal when they fall into a comfortable silence while sitting alone in a practice room. They'd talked, but now they're tired and don't have the energy to force the syllables out, so it goes silent. What's not normal is how Seungcheol keeps shooting fleeting glances at Jisoo's lips when Jisoo isn't looking. It's even more abnormal when he leans in and presses their lips together.

It lasts a few seconds before Jisoo finally grasps what's going on, and then he's shoving at Seungcheol's chest and scrambling to his feet, staring wordlessly at Seungcheol like he's a deer caught in Seungcheol's headlights.

"I'm sorry," is all Seungcheol can think to say. Words are failing him now; he wants to confess to Jisoo, to tell him how much he likes him, has liked him for a while now, but his mouth is like a broken record and the only words he can form are "I'm sorry."

Jisoo almost trips over his own feet, stumbling backward and fleeing the room. Then he's running down the hall, out the door and down the street, only stopping when he's out of breath in some back alley lit by the light of a single streetlamp. He feels like vomiting but nothing comes out, so he's just doubled over dry heaving. Pitiful, he thinks. Whether he feels sick because of the running or the kiss or a mix of both, he doesn't know.

When the nausea finally passes, he sinks down on the asphalt and inhales deeply, feeling like he can't quite get enough oxygen no matter how hard he tries. Jisoo buries his head in his hands and steadies his breathing until he can stand up again. He reaches for his phone, and dials the first number he can think of that isn't Seungcheol: Jeonghan.

"Hello?" Jeonghan's voice is thick and low--he'd been sleeping.

"Can you come find me?" Jisoo asks, still sounding breathless. "I'm sorry. I can't walk home by myself I--"

"It's okay," Jeonghan replies quickly, voice clear and calm now. Jisoo's head is still swimming but his best friend's voice is like an anchor.

Jisoo can hear the rustling of sheets and clothes, and then the grumbling of another person (probably Junhui). "Where are you?" Jeonghan asks.

"I don't know," Jisoo replies, and it carries a lot more meaning than a simple 'I'm lost'.

***

Seungcheol's cursing himself, out loud in the empty practice room. His tongue isn't caught anymore, he can berate himself all he wants. Funny how that works, he thinks.

He can't bring himself to go home--he's hurt Jisoo enough already, Seungcheol figures he should let Jisoo feel safe at home. It's been hours (or at least it feels like it) when his phone rings, and he picks up immediately, answering with a breathless "hello?"

"I don't know what you did, but all he's saying is that he hurt you and he's sorry. Nobody can go back to sleep unless you're here, including Jisoo, so just come home yeah?" Jeonghan's voice wasn't necessarily what Seungcheol wanted to hear, but the message he delivered made his heart wrench anyway. Jisoo hurt him? It was almost like a joke to Seungcheol. Jisoo--beautiful, calm, perfect Jisoo--could never hurt him. Not Seungcheol, someone who's hurt his members countless times by not being the leader they needed, the leader they deserved.  
"Seungcheol?" Jeonghan's voice pulls him back to reality.

"I'm on my way," Seungcheol replies.

While he's walking back to the dorm, he can't help but think that maybe they finally got their answer to the game; they found out how far they could go before someone got hurt. Seungcheol's not sure whether it was worth it or not.

 

It feels weird coming home. Usually as soon as Seungcheol stepped foot into the dorm, he was immediately more relaxed than before. But this time it felt different. Every step he took inside made the tightness in his chest and throat grow stronger.

Seungcheol is surprised to see that most of the members were awake, despite having come back to the dorm hours earlier. Chan and Hansol were sitting together on the couch talking quietly, but they stopped as soon as Seungcheol passed.

"Where's Jisoo?" he asks Seungkwan in the hallway as the younger attempts to slip past him.

"Back bedroom," Seungkwan replies. "What the fuck happened hyung?"

"Language," Seungcheol chides. He ignores Seungkwan's actual question and pushes past him, heading determinedly for the back bedroom.  
When he reaches the door he stops, holding his breath and attempting to listen to what's going on inside. He can hear heavy breathing and the occasional hiccuping sob, as well as the soothing murmuring of someone else--Jeonghan, probably.

He takes a deep breath and then slowly opens the door with a creak. Seungcheol's heart tightens again when he sees Jisoo. Jisoo's in a pair of ratty sweats and an old t-shirt, dabbing at his eyes and nose with the back of his hand. Jeonghan's sitting next to him on the bed, rubbing his back in slow, careful circles. They both look up when the door creaks, and Jeonghan gets up almost immediately.

"I'll leave you two alone," he says as he slips out past Seungcheol, shutting the door behind him with a click.

Jisoo doesn't say anything when Seungcheol takes Jeonghan's place on the bed next to him, so Seungcheol is forced to break the silence.  
"Why are you crying?" he asks. "If the kiss upset you that much we can pretend it never happened, just--"

"I don't want to pretend it didn't happen," Jisoo croaks, cutting Seungcheol off.

"So you don't mind that I kissed you?" Seungcheol asks.

"No," Jisoo says. "At least, I don't think I do."

Seungcheol laughs softly. "Guess we both have some shit to figure out."

"Yeah," Jisoo agrees, but it sounds sad and empty.

Seungcheol throws an arm around Jisoo, tugging him over so his head is resting on Seungcheol's shoulder. He really should know better than to act on impulse when it comes to Jisoo after what just happened, but he couldn't resist the urge to press a kiss to the top of Jisoo's head.

"I like you," he says after a moment of silence. "I like you a lot Jisoo. I don't know how you feel, and I'm not sure you do either, but I really do like you. Just in case you thought I kissed you as a test or something...that's not what I was. I really like you, and I'm sure of it. You don't have to let that influence how you feel, though. I'd rather you genuinely like me only as a friend than you be interested in me only because I like you." He clears his throat when he finishes, not sure where the sudden need to confess came from. Tonight has just not been a very good night for hiding his feelings, Seungcheol decides.

"Can you do something for me?" Jisoo asks, not commenting on the confession (something Seungcheol is glad for).

"Of course," Seungcheol replies. The 'I'd do anything for you' is implied.

Jisoo gulps before he continues. "Kiss me again."

Seungcheol is a little taken aback by the request. "W-what?" he stammers.

"Please," Jisoo says softly. "I need this." He picks his head up off of Seungcheol's shoulder and looks up at him with the same wide brown eyes, and Seungcheol knows he can't say no.

He leans down slowly, and the kiss is more than just a press of lips this time. He's able to capture Jisoo's top lip between his own and it feels like everything he dreamed it would and more. Jisoo is kissing back this time, bringing a hand up to thread through Seungcheol's hair.

It's Seungcheol who has to break the kiss, pulling back so he can breath and Jisoo can think. Jisoo's hand is still in Seungcheol's hair, and he lets his head fall so his forehead is resting on Seungcheol's chest.

Seungcheol can feel Jisoo's breath through the thin fabric of his shirt, and Jisoo lets his hand fall from Seungcheol's hair down to his chest so he can feel the elder's heartbeat.

Neither of them are sure what they are right now, but they don't really feel the need to know. All Seungcheol knows is that he likes Jisoo and all Jisoo knows is that when Seungcheol kisses him he gets butterflies in his stomach and his head feels full of clouds but that's okay. They fall asleep like that, Seungcheol holding Jisoo and promising him in a hushed whisper that there'll be time to figure everything out tomorrow. There'll be time for everything tomorrow.


End file.
